Trailer Takes: Extreme violence mixed in with a little drug use

The action-packed cast of Expendables 2 is sure to lay the smack-down when this flick hits big screens.

What is it about delicious waffles that make us think Trailer Takes? I just absolutely demolished a pulled pork waffle and a wafflini with ice cream, so I’m sitting fat and happy right now. And there’s no better time to watch some movie trailers and hand out grades.

In this edition of Trailer Takes, we get Savage with some gratuitous violence and cap it off with some recreational drug use. Enjoy…

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Throwdown: Does ‘The Avengers’ warrant the money and hype?

Joss Whedon’s The Avengers shattered records by grossing $207 million on opening weekend.

Three straight weekends of domination. Not only did director Joss Whedon’s The Avengers obliterate opening-weekend box office records by grossing a ridiculous $207 million, it held strong in the second weekend by shattering another record with $103.2 million, then topped the charts for a third consecutive weekend. For perspective: James Cameron’s Avatar previously held the record after grossing $75.6 million on the second weekend.

But money can’t buy everything (or so they tell us), so what’s the real scoop with the latest Marvel blockbuster? Is it a true cinematic achievement, or are we all just that lame?

This week’s Throwdown: What’s the word on The Avengers, badass and worthy of the records or way over-hyped?

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Trailer Takes: ‘Anchorman 2,’ ‘Men in Black III,’ ‘Piranha 3DD’

Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 Action News Team will return to the big screen in 2013.

It’s Wednesday, which means two things: 1) it’s more than halfway to the weekend and 2) the Wafels & Dinges truck should be stationed outside of my office. Unfortunately, the latter is not happening, which — much to my dismay — means that I’m without any delectable combination of waffles, ice cream, maple syrup and bacon. This also means I’m sad.

However, to remedy the situation, I’ve decided to release the second edition of Trailer Takes, a series of wholly unnecessary reviews of the latest movie trailers. They’re short, they’re sweet and they’ll (hopefully) take my mind off tasty treats like this, this and this.

Full disclosure: I’ve neglected to see any movies in theaters since the last edition of Trailer Takes. But as the inimitable Selina Meyer explains on Veep, “[Paying to see a movie] is like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo. It doesn’t do the job — and it makes a fucking mess.” (I realize that makes no sense. But that analogy should be applied to literally every situation.)

On to the trailers.

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‘Skyfall’ trailer: New Bond movie features explosions, car chases and… shaving fetish?

*****

Let’s get it out right up front: I dig the Daniel Craig Bond. Casino Royale was a little flawed in its core premise — really James, beating a dude at hold ‘em was the best solution you could come up with? — but the first blonde-haired, blue-eyed Bond has been solid in his roles even if the stories are less than spectacular. The latest Bond flick, Skyfall, set to release November 9, 2012, features Craig (probably) saving the world he knows. According to the official site, “Bond’s loyalty to M is tested as her past comes back to haunt her. As MI6 comes under attack, 007 must track down and destroy the threat, no matter how personal the cost.”

Oh baby, you can expect Stewie Griffin’s words to come true here: “You know, some friends become enemies some enemies become friends.” Oh, add Javier Bardem to the cast and it seems like director Sam Mendes can’t miss.

The trailer doesn’t give us much further insight into the plot, but it features some key nuggets: Here are five takeaways:

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Trailer Takes: ‘Five-Year Engagement’, ‘The Avengers’, ‘The Raven’

Jason Segel and Emily Blunt co-star — and eat wedding cake — in ‘Five-Year Engagement’.

Let’s be honest for a second: How many times have you read a movie review, talked endlessly about how great or terrible that film was going to be, and then never watched the movie? Probably countless times. It’s a tradition on par with buying high-end ingredients — like olive oil, or kale — and ordering pizza for dinner instead. In theory, you could cook a fancy dinner. But naturally you won’t.

Of course, this phenomenon is perfectly logical. Watching movies in theatres can be outrageously expensive (Fifteen dollars? Really?) and incredibly time consuming. Who has two hours to spare anyway? And who even likes kale? What is kale?

Needless to say, the brilliant minds at PPC have come up with a solution.  Instead of exclusively reviewing movies, we’re also going to provide our trailer takes.  This way, you can watch the trailer, read the review and have plenty of conversation fodder for your next cocktail apartment party. You (and we) don’t even have to spend 15 bucks!

Sure, this is an entirely pointless exercise. But it’s an ideal waste of 10 minutes at work. It’s the different animal and the same beast. You’re welcome.

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Doggie style: When film art mimics beer

Is it just the beer-loving folk at PPC, or does the poster for John Cusack’s The Raven bear an uncanny resemblance to the label art for Flying Dog’s Doggie Style Classic Pale Ale? The Raven takes place in Baltimore, and Flying Dog is a Maryland-based brewery, so this might not be a coincidence. But viewing this through Maryland-colored glasses does beg the question: The Terps are totally going to be wearing these next year, aren’t they?

‘The Dark Knight Rises’ trailer gives me chills

Simply. Awesome.

Not only is this trailer very well done, it gives us more insight into the plot of the next Batman flick. After the previous trailer, I thought Catwoman (Anne Hathaway) was going to be the main villain. The new one seems to suggest Bane is going to lead the charge against Gotham, which goes against the plotline from Batman & Robin when Bane is just Poison Ivy’s minion. Regardless of who Bale is fighting, this is an opening night flick for me.

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